Post your jokes here!

[SparkOut]

Just because I happened to come and notice this thread, not because it is hilarious... (first heard as a child many hundreds of years ago)

What's the difference between a duck?

One of its legs is both the same.

[LAT]

Today's offerings

Three lions on the shed

and

Raindrops keep falling on my shed

[Bunnylump]

Just saw this one which appealed to me in a bizarre sort of way...

I went on holiday with my horse
It was self cantering

[Bunnylump]

And this...
"Reaching out, touching me, touching you..." Come on, sing along:_

joke.png (420 KiB) Viewed 2880 times

[Scurra]

I still don't completely understand why it's suddenly trendy, but on the other hand, there's only so many times one can hear Three Lions...

[Bunnylump]

No nor me. It is a good song though. Although I now will never be able to hear it without thinking of this...

I do like silly words to songs. I am so impressed that I can now always remember which is which from a moorhen or a coot thanks to Alex Horne. To the tune of "That's amore"...

When the beak on the front of its head is bright red -
That's a moorhen!

[SparkOut]

Neep, carrot, lime?

[LAT]

No nor me. It is a good song though. Although I now will never be able to hear it without thinking of this...

I do like silly words to songs. I am so impressed that I can now always remember which is which from a moorhen or a coot thanks to Alex Horne. To the tune of "That's amore"...

When the beak on the front of its head is bright red -
That's a moorhen!

I've not heard that one!

I've always used
cooTs are whiTe
moorRhens are Red

[SparkOut]

Speaking as someone who "just knows" which bird is a coot and which is a water chicken, I wonder how many times have you actually needed to separately classify the two?

[Bunnylump]

Well I am just generally pretty useless but like to know what I'm looking at. So yes, often. I am currently trying to get better at identifying butterflies. I can now confidently identify about 6 types!

[LAT]

Oh I agree Bunnylump. I am trying to learn more birds as we do get a fair few visiting our bird feeders - including bigger ones who don't quite manage to get anything!
It's not helping much with a certain puzzle though!

[SparkOut]

When I was very young I was a right Chris Packham. I can't remember all the birds so well nowadays but probably have a slightly better than average knowledge, although I would struggle to see any bird further than 18 inches away in enough detail to identify.
Not a joke but maybe amusing: I taught my little sister a lot too, so when she was about 4 years old, and an uncle took her to the park to feed "the ducks" he was flabbergasted with conversation like:
He: That's a pretty duck
She: That's a mallard
He: Oh! It's much more colourful than those brown ones
She: Those are mummy mallards
and
He: That's a funny looking duck
She: That's not a duck, it's a great crested grebe

[Bunnylump]

My grand daughter (aged 4) as a result of me insisting on showing her things when we are out for a walk, regularly identifies plants for her parents when they are out! Usually accompanied by an eye roll.

Mind you, you need to make sure they have heard you accurately. I remember my niece confidently pointing out "Brian's Belt" in the night sky to someone!

[LAT]

On a similar vein my daughter was telling me about her friend's little girl aged 4.
Her mother was asking her what she's had for lunch at nursery and was told that pudding was Harry Potter with raspberry sauce.
After questioning she discovered that the 'Harry Potter' was a bit like jelly. She eventually guessed that it was Panna Cotta!

[Bunnylump]

Brilliant!

[LAT]

I'm still chuckling over SparkOut's little sister educating her uncle.

I also like the idea of Bunnylump's granddaughter rolling her eyes when identifying plants for her parents. Where did she get the eye-rolling from?

[Bunnylump]

I'm still chuckling over SparkOut's little sister educating her uncle.

I also like the idea of Bunnylump's granddaughter rolling her eyes when identifying plants for her parents. Where did she get the eye-rolling from?

Turning into a teenager at age 4?

[SparkOut]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing on one side of a very busy road, waiting and looking for a chance to cross to the bar on the other side. Every time one plucked up courage to ease a toe past the kerb, another vehicle would zoom up and make them think better of it.
"We're never going to get a drink at this rate," said the Irishman.
Just then a chicken made its way up, and with only a brief and disdainful glance at the traffic it hopped off the pavement into the road. Amazingly the traffic parted and steered around it as if it was in the centre of a roundabout.
Quickly the three followed the chicken and stuck close to it as the cars wheeled around them, until all safely made it to the other side.
The chicken headed into the bar, followed swiftly by the three men. "This definitely calls for a large one!" said the Irishman.
"Aye" said the Scotsman.
The Englishman agreed and added, "Barman, you'll never believe just HOW this chicken crossed the road."
The chicken by now had hopped up onto the end of the bar and was pecking in a tin of grain the barman had set out for it. "Let me guess," he said, "the cars all steered round this chicken like it's a mobile roundabout?"
Dumbfounded, the men could only nod agreement.
"Well you see,' said the barman, "this here chicken is a Road Island Red."