The things kids say

[Bunnylump]

Classic quote in English today. The teacher had given them a (pretty poor!) limerick about Romeo and Juliet. She apologised for the poor rhyming in it, and commented that she'd used "poetic license." One of the kids asked

"what do you have to do to apply for one of those, Miss?"

[MBH]

Just had a lovely group of ladies on board my bus learning about the computers, and one has obviously had many years in the education profession. We were talking about spelling and she said she's seen so many different spellings of "Diarrhoea" that she probably couldn't spell it properly.

I told them my memory trick, which they all liked, and then this lady said...

I had one little boy went off to the toilet, and he'd no sooner come back than he asked to go again, then again. I quietly asked him if he had diarrhoea. He looked puzzled and asked "Is that when it spits?". I nodded and he said, "Then that's what I've got".

Awwwww

[Bunnylump]

Aw, kids can be wonderfully innocent, can't they? Although I can imagine how some of the ones I work with might describe the same experience...

I meant to post this at the end of term, when we were doing our reading testing. One of the passages is about someone sitting on the top of a big wheel, looking down at the scene below. The correct version says something along the lines of " below, mischievous children were knowking over bins then fleeing." I was demonstrating how to conduct the reading test to a member of staff, so she was watching me as I listened to a child read. We could hardly look at each other when he read it as "Below, malicious chickens were knocking over bins then fleeing." The best bit was that he didn't bat an eyelid as he read it, and didn't self correct!!

[Bunnylump]

This isn't an amusing annecdote, just one which made me smile. I have spent three years working in English with a particular student who needs a scribe. He's a lovely lad but is prone to "going off with the fairies", getting distracted from the task in hand and waffling for Britain.

I scribed for his first English Literature exam yesterday. All I can say is, I was REALLY proud of him. I have to keep a completely straight face and give nothing away, give no clues as to what is right and what is wrong, and have to write EXACTLY what he dictates, even if it is nonsense.

After the end of each paragraph, he kept saying

"it's OK Miss, I KNOW what you're thinking. You've nagged me often enough. Now I have to re read it and make sure I've done POINT, EVIDENCE, EXPLAIN. Then I need to focus in on the specific language and pick out individual words. Then I need to refer back to the question, and finally I have to check my punctuation otherwise you will rip my arms and legs off and beat me about the head with them."

I had said NOTHING.

Really chuffed, bearing in mind he had all the marks deducted for spelling (because he had a scribe, not because I can't spell) this student got a B for English Literature and a C for English Language. Only two grades above his predicted... So chuffed for him. He worked hard (well, so did I) and it paid off. He's now able to go into the 6th form to study A level art and graphics (which he is brilliant at and can do on his own.)

Other students I have worked intensively with have all achieved the grades they needed to get onto their college courses / apprenticeships, too.

So there are SOME rewarding bits to my job, even if the rest of it is rubbish. THIS is my reward for tolerating the frankly insulting wage, the idiots who run the school, the long, stressful, often unpaid and unappreciated hours, and insulting slanderous comments from the wonderful Mr Gove about how useful Teaching Assistants are. The success of the pupils and their achievements make it worth while and satisfying.

[gill216]

Makes it all worth while doesn't it. Well done to him and to you! Even if he has no arms and legs anymore.

[LAT]

Yes indeed, well done to both you and the kids. You must be very proud of them.

Somehow, producing a set of monthly accounts (even if I did manage it a couple of weeks quicker than normal) doesn't quite give the same sense of achievement!

[Bunnylump]

Quote from a colleague's three year old niece
"Boys have willies and girls have brains."

What a wise child...

[Bunnylump]

Now I really hope you don't think I'm blowing my own trumpet here, but I have to say that this comment did cheer me up today in an otherwise sh***y day, and it certainly made me laugh.

"Miss, your lessons aren't like REAL lessons, they're fun and they're so cool!"

I was initially a little taken aback, thinking maybe I wasn't making them do enough work. So I asked him in what way it wasn't like a real lesson. I also asked him what he though lessons were FOR.

"So I learn stuff."

"So are you telling me that you haven't learned anything today?"

"No, Miss, I've learned what synonyms are, I've learned how to make my writing more exciting, I've learned a whole new spelling rule and can spell lots of words I couldn't before, and now I know how to use a thesaurus. I didn't want to come to Extra English classes before, because I thought people would laugh at me. But they don't. They all want to come to your lessons and get as good at things as I am. "

Bless him. At least HE thinks he's getting somewhere and is obviously proud of his progress! So if nothing else, at least he's good at being an optimist and putting a good spin on things. Maybe he should consider PR as a career??!

[giraffe]

No you're not blowing your own trumpet. (trombone perhaps ) Sounds like you have worked wonders on his confidence if nothing else, and that is part of the battle.

[LAT]

How lovely! You obviously have made a difference to him. What a nice boost for you too.

[Bunnylump]

Kid: "Miss, what is it that Richard Branson is famous for again? Is he the one that makes the pickle?"

[giraffe]

Not a kid comment, but this is probably the right thread....

Talking to my mum on the phone today, and yelling to try to get her to hear what I was telling her...

Mum: "I'm not deaf, it's just the consonants I can't hear!"

She doesn't seem to appreciate that means she misses over 80% of what we are saying!

[Bunnylump]

Yesterday we had a Shakespeare day at school. I was with some year 7s, who had been asked to try to work out what various Shakespearean phrases which have come into general usage might mean.

The phrase was "EATEN OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME."

Boy: "Miss, does that mean TAKEAWAYS?"

[Snoopy]

Yesterday morning my 8 year old grandson was playing for a team in his first 'proper' game of football. He has only been going to the coaching for 2 weeks so his proud parents went to watch. At the end of the match, which they lost 6-0, the coach came over to explain that they usually play a lot better but they were missing their best player. To which the bold Haydn pipes up,"You can't rely on one person. We need to learn to play together more and not depend on Calum". As his parents stifled their laughter the coach walked off.
As they were leaving a few minutes later my daughter overheard the coach saying to some other parents, "They need to stop relying on Calum all the time and learn to play more as a team."
Out of the mouths.......

[LAT]

Oh brilliant! Well done Haydn!

[giraffe]

He sounds like he will go far.

[Snoopy]

He is a funny kid. Small and skinny but with strong ideas and a good sense of right and wrong. If he thinks something needs said he will say it and doesn't care who he's speaking to. I've seen him shouting at older boys walking on grass that they shouldn't be on. They were so surprised that they obeyed him.

[Bunnylump]

A wise head on such young shoulders.

[Laura]

I'm a little worried about my appearance. Today one of the kids at my school who I don't teach asked me how old I am (it's her 9th birthday, she was asking everyone). I told her 31. She replied, "Oh, I thought you were about 50."

Then, not an hour later, one of my pupils, in the middle of a piano piece, pipes up "You know who you look like? Nanny McPhee." I suggested she think very carefully about the fact that I am currently writing her report, before she decided whether that was at the beginning or the end of the film!!!

Bloomin' kids!

[Bunnylump]

Think yourself lucky. Ages ago a kid asked me if I remembered the FIRST World War!