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Please don't discuss puzzles in here! Thank you.
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MBH
- King of the Swingers
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#161
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by MBH » Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:19 am
LAT wrote:oh dear - I am getting more stupid aren't I?
No you're not - remember a joke is meant to be a play on words, or a witticism, or a comic juxtapostition of desperate ideas to provoke a spontaneous explosion of laughter
Doesn't work when you don't see one half of the image
[MBH gies LAT a hug]
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Cenwulf
- The Complete Fool
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- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:17 pm
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#162
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by Cenwulf » Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:15 pm
Most of the Christmas decorations are up at my house. Some are still to be put in place. This includes two bell decorations, which are hung over the doors to the lounge and dining room.
Yesterday, my mother asked "Where are you putting the ding-dongs?"
Quick as a flash, I replied....
...."Merrily on high."
Unfortunately, the number of ways of doing something wrong far exceed the number of ways of doing it right. G. Kasparov
16000 - 30/03/2017
neves-ytnewt rebmun rebmem suomynona srelzzup
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Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
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- Currently reading: Go Set a Watchman
- Location: Treacle Bumstead
#163
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by Bunnylump » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:25 pm
Very good!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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LAT
- Nagging Nora
- Posts: 13604
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- Currently reading: Piranesi
#165
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by LAT » Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:49 pm
Made me smile too.
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MBH
- King of the Swingers
- Posts: 3346
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:07 pm
- Currently reading: 39 Clues series/Darksmith series/and....
- Location: Gateshead
#166
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by MBH » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:15 pm
Nice one
Sometimes the timing is just perfect
Not a joke, but you've got to love the English language for managing to mean totally opposite things with the same words. Filling in an extra session behind the bar last Friday, I was an unexpected face joining the regular barmaid 'L'.
My boss comes up to the bar (he has a reputation for being dour and problematic) - he shakes his head and says,
"Sorry 'L', I couldn't get anyone better to help you".
I looked him straight in the eye and with a smile I replied,
"No! You couldn't"
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Scurra
- Alias the Jester
- Posts: 16681
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- Location: Lost, as usual
#167
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by Scurra » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:19 pm
Excellent. That reminds me of this one:
Maths Teacher: Two negatives make a positive, but two positives never make a negative.
Student: Yeah, right...
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
All of my puzzles are simple and obvious. For certain values of "simple" and "obvious".
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MBH
- King of the Swingers
- Posts: 3346
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:07 pm
- Currently reading: 39 Clues series/Darksmith series/and....
- Location: Gateshead
#168
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by MBH » Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:07 pm
I couldn't put this in the puzzles area (with a straight face), so I'm putting it here. A crossword I was pointed towards over the weekend
- dalekcrossword.jpg (67.71 KiB) Viewed 1398 times
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Scurra
- Alias the Jester
- Posts: 16681
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:50 pm
- Location: Lost, as usual
#169
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by Scurra » Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:20 pm
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
All of my puzzles are simple and obvious. For certain values of "simple" and "obvious".
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clvrlad
- Posts: 1922
- Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:33 pm
- Currently reading: snuff
#170
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by clvrlad » Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:23 pm
hmmm now that is a hard one....
btw think a certain someone was caught on camera
There are 10 kinds of people in the world
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
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Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
- Posts: 24810
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:10 pm
- Currently reading: Go Set a Watchman
- Location: Treacle Bumstead
#171
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by Bunnylump » Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:26 pm
Who took that? I didn't spot them...
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Looby
- Posts: 928
- Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:17 pm
#173
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by Looby » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:52 pm
I struggled with 7 D !!!
There's no point in having a last minute if you don't use it!
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Wulfruna
- Posts: 4042
- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:21 pm
- Location: Glorious Devon
#174
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by Wulfruna » Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:44 pm
Ah..... can anyone help with the Battle of Arcadia? When was that?
And might the Bunny Lady be considering doing a 2 across??
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MBH
- King of the Swingers
- Posts: 3346
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:07 pm
- Currently reading: 39 Clues series/Darksmith series/and....
- Location: Gateshead
#175
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by MBH » Sat Feb 09, 2013 9:01 pm
I'm glad I shared that now
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Cenwulf
- The Complete Fool
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- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:17 pm
- Currently reading: Schott's Miscellanies
- Location: South Wessex
#176
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by Cenwulf » Sun Feb 10, 2013 4:26 pm
Sign seen outside a butcher's shop in Weymouth (probably due to the horsemeat scandal):
My products may have won awards but they have never won races!
Unfortunately, the number of ways of doing something wrong far exceed the number of ways of doing it right. G. Kasparov
16000 - 30/03/2017
neves-ytnewt rebmun rebmem suomynona srelzzup
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LAT
- Nagging Nora
- Posts: 13604
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:11 pm
- Currently reading: Piranesi
#177
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by LAT » Sun Feb 10, 2013 4:51 pm
That's very good!
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Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
- Posts: 24810
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:10 pm
- Currently reading: Go Set a Watchman
- Location: Treacle Bumstead
#178
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by Bunnylump » Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:08 pm
Yes, that is very good.
Do you know, about a month ago I bought some Sainsbury's Taste the Difference lean beef steak mince. And both of us said at the time "yuk, this doesn't even taste like beef". I'm wondering now, if it could have been horse!! It hasn't happened since...
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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giraffe
- Twigi
- Posts: 7417
- Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:51 am
#179
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by giraffe » Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:31 pm
I always try to buy British Beef, but very often there is only Irish at the supermarket. It does annoy me that you can't buy British and all these dodgy beef cases seem to originate in Ireland / France / further afield. We had some lovely roast beef today for lunch.
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giraffe
- Twigi
- Posts: 7417
- Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:51 am
#180
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by giraffe » Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:28 pm
Someone sent me this.....
· A man has been hospitalised after eating a Tesco burger. Initially it gave him the trots, but now he is in a stable condition.
· Tesco burgers maybe low in fat but they are high in Shergar.
· If you thought Tesco were in the shit about horse meat in their burgers, just wait till you try their quarter Pandas.
· A cow walks into a bar, the barman asks “why the long face”, the cow says “all these illegal ingredients coming over here and taking our jobs!”.
· Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my burger – so I had a fiver each way!
· Forget about the Tesco horse meat scandal, apparently they have found camel toe in some Primark leggings!
· I've tried Sainsbury's and Tesco burgers and I have to say Tesco wins by a nose.
· I think I had Tesco Horse-burger last night by mistake. Never again. Had terrible nightMARES!
· It has now been reported that there are traces of Zebras been found in Tesco barcodes.
· I bet Tesco hate being saddled with this story. Their PR agency must be bridling too. They'll just have to get the bit between their teeth.
· Whatever next? My LIDL pony?
· The police are doing a door to door enquiries about these horse burgers. They will soon have covered the whole NEIGH-bourhood.
· I expect this only relates to those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the HORSE d'oeuvres.
· After having Tesco burgers I used to say that I felt a little horse, now I understand why.
· So hungry I could eat a horse... Guess I'll go to TESCO!
· Went to the freezer to check my Tesco burgers, and....THEY'RE OFF!
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