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#161 Post by **MBH** » Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:19 am

LAT wrote:oh dear - I am getting more stupid aren't I?

No you're not - remember a joke is meant to be a play on words, or a witticism, or a comic juxtapostition of desperate ideas to provoke a spontaneous explosion of laughter

Doesn't work when you don't see one half of the image

[MBH gies LAT a hug]

#162 Post by **Cenwulf** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:15 pm

Most of the Christmas decorations are up at my house. Some are still to be put in place. This includes two bell decorations, which are hung over the doors to the lounge and dining room.

Yesterday, my mother asked "Where are you putting the ding-dongs?"
Quick as a flash, I replied....

...."Merrily on high."

#163 Post by **Bunnylump** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:25 pm

Very good!

#164 Post by **Wulfruna** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:41 pm

#165 Post by **LAT** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:49 pm

Made me smile too.

#166 Post by **MBH** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:15 pm

Nice one

Sometimes the timing is just perfect

Not a joke, but you've got to love the English language for managing to mean totally opposite things with the same words. Filling in an extra session behind the bar last Friday, I was an unexpected face joining the regular barmaid 'L'.

My boss comes up to the bar (he has a reputation for being dour and problematic) - he shakes his head and says, "Sorry 'L', I couldn't get anyone better to help you".

I looked him straight in the eye and with a smile I replied, "No! You couldn't"

#167 Post by **Scurra** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:19 pm

Excellent. That reminds me of this one:

Maths Teacher: Two negatives make a positive, but two positives never make a negative.
Student: Yeah, right...

#168 Post by **MBH** » Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:07 pm

I couldn't put this in the puzzles area (with a straight face), so I'm putting it here. A crossword I was pointed towards over the weekend

: dalekcrossword.jpg (67.71 KiB) Viewed 1399 times

#169 Post by **Scurra** » Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:20 pm

I'm stuck on 8 ac. Absolutely no idea what it could be.

#170 Post by **clvrlad** » Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:23 pm

hmmm now that is a hard one....

btw think a certain someone was caught on camera

#171 Post by **Bunnylump** » Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:26 pm

Who took that? I didn't spot them...

#172 Post by **SparkOut** » Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:08 pm

Scurra wrote:I'm stuck on 8 ac. Absolutely no idea what it could be.

I looked (at 8A) and scratched my head a while. Then I thought to look at the other clues

#173 Post by **Looby** » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:52 pm

I struggled with 7 D !!!

#174 Post by **Wulfruna** » Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:44 pm

Ah..... can anyone help with the Battle of Arcadia? When was that?

And might the Bunny Lady be considering doing a 2 across??

#175 Post by **MBH** » Sat Feb 09, 2013 9:01 pm

I'm glad I shared that now

#176 Post by **Cenwulf** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 4:26 pm

Sign seen outside a butcher's shop in Weymouth (probably due to the horsemeat scandal):

My products may have won awards but they have never won races!

#177 Post by **LAT** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 4:51 pm

That's very good!

#178 Post by **Bunnylump** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:08 pm

Yes, that is very good.

Do you know, about a month ago I bought some Sainsbury's Taste the Difference lean beef steak mince. And both of us said at the time "yuk, this doesn't even taste like beef". I'm wondering now, if it could have been horse!! It hasn't happened since...

#179 Post by **giraffe** » Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:31 pm

I always try to buy British Beef, but very often there is only Irish at the supermarket. It does annoy me that you can't buy British and all these dodgy beef cases seem to originate in Ireland / France / further afield. We had some lovely roast beef today for lunch.

#180 Post by **giraffe** » Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:28 pm

Someone sent me this.....

· A man has been hospitalised after eating a Tesco burger. Initially it gave him the trots, but now he is in a stable condition.
· Tesco burgers maybe low in fat but they are high in Shergar.
· If you thought Tesco were in the shit about horse meat in their burgers, just wait till you try their quarter Pandas.
· A cow walks into a bar, the barman asks “why the long face”, the cow says “all these illegal ingredients coming over here and taking our jobs!”.
· Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my burger – so I had a fiver each way!
· Forget about the Tesco horse meat scandal, apparently they have found camel toe in some Primark leggings!
· I've tried Sainsbury's and Tesco burgers and I have to say Tesco wins by a nose.
· I think I had Tesco Horse-burger last night by mistake. Never again. Had terrible nightMARES!
· It has now been reported that there are traces of Zebras been found in Tesco barcodes.
· I bet Tesco hate being saddled with this story. Their PR agency must be bridling too. They'll just have to get the bit between their teeth.
· Whatever next? My LIDL pony?
· The police are doing a door to door enquiries about these horse burgers. They will soon have covered the whole NEIGH-bourhood.
· I expect this only relates to those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the HORSE d'oeuvres.
· After having Tesco burgers I used to say that I felt a little horse, now I understand why.
· So hungry I could eat a horse... Guess I'll go to TESCO!
· Went to the freezer to check my Tesco burgers, and....THEY'RE OFF!

Puzzlebrains

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