Post your jokes here!

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LAT
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#201 Post by LAT » Wed Jan 13, 2021 5:23 pm

Bunnylump wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 13, 2021 5:19 pm
 I just watched as documentary on the language of frogs. Rivetting.
:D :D :D
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Bunnylump
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#202 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:52 pm

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in most of the way and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#203 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:57 pm

P.S. These will only get worse! :lol:

When asked how he had turned the trouser factory into a success, the owner said great strides had been made.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Bunnylump
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#204 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:58 pm

Can you tell I'm bored?
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Scurra
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#205 Post by Scurra » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:58 pm

Bunnylump wrote: ↑
Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:52 pm
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How soon they forget. :lol: (I refer the honourable lady to the Fozzie Bear puzzle in the Muppet Show set. :wink:)
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
All of my puzzles are simple and obvious. For certain values of "simple" and "obvious".
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#206 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 3:12 pm

Oh, I remembered about four or five of those, but there must have been about forty! :lol: :lol:

OK then
I've just been diagnosed with gammon flu. I did have swine flu, but they cured me!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#207 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:53 pm

They're coming thick and fast. Some may say with the emphasis on thick...

Just had a letter from my herbs and spices supplier saying I owe £2000 for unpaid invoices....
If I don’t settle up within 7 days they are going to send the bay leaves round
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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LAT
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#208 Post by LAT » Thu Jan 14, 2021 5:08 pm

Bunnylump wrote: ↑
Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:53 pm
 Just had a letter from my herbs and spices supplier saying I owe £2000 for unpaid invoices....
If I don’t settle up within 7 days they are going to send the bay leaves round
I really like that one! :lol:
Near us, by a large roundabout there is a shed retailer that always have great slogans up on posters. eg at Christmas they had "A shed is for life, not just for Christmas" . Earlier in December they had one of my favourites " Now is the winter of our discount sheds". Today they had "Road works ashed"
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#209 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 5:33 pm

:lol: :lol: Oh I love things like that! When people take the time to make others smile. That's the best thing ever.

Crikey, we all need a bit of a lift at the moment, don't we?
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#210 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:12 pm

I once went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice". I went as a chilli pepper, but everyone else came as astronauts.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#211 Post by Scurra » Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:25 pm

Noddy Holder went into a cafe and asked the assistant for a kipper tie.
"We're a cafe, sir, not a clothes shop", the assistant replied.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
All of my puzzles are simple and obvious. For certain values of "simple" and "obvious".
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#212 Post by Bunnylump » Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:50 pm

Oh very good. :D Which brings me to

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow"
"The interrupting cow wh...."
"MOOOOOOOOO!"

I'm so sorry. :lol:
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#213 Post by Bunnylump » Sun Jan 24, 2021 11:48 am

And one for LAT

I worked as an accountant from the age of 20 to 30 before I was sacked. What a waste of 15 years!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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LAT
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#214 Post by LAT » Sun Jan 24, 2021 12:19 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#215 Post by Bunnylump » Sun Jan 24, 2021 4:59 pm

Here's one for the Scottish contingent.

Twa prawns on a plate, fit ane is the biggest?

The langoustine!
:lol:
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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SparkOut
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#216 Post by SparkOut » Sun Jan 24, 2021 5:35 pm

Also Scottishist:
Three workers at a fruit importers tumbled into a bin of oranges and couldn't get out.
The foreman headed over and asked "Jaffa?"

(this one may not be readily obvious, even to accent-savvy readers)
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#217 Post by LAT » Tue Feb 16, 2021 6:02 pm

Latest sign
'Forget red roses, buy her a shed' :D
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#218 Post by Bunnylump » Mon Mar 22, 2021 7:42 pm

Elon Musk and Bill Gates are going into business together, however, they are trying to shorten their name.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#219 Post by LAT » Fri Mar 26, 2021 1:31 pm

That took me a while to work out! :oops:
Finally got it yesterday! :lol:

Latest from the shed people on the roundabout
"Stuck in traffic? Think of shedssss.."
There was another but I've forgotten it. :roll:
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Re: Post your jokes here!

#220 Post by Bunnylump » Fri Mar 26, 2021 5:20 pm

:lol:

Yes the ELONGATES one took me a while too!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
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