Story so far...

[Looby]

Once upon a time, in a secluded corner of a very large stately home, Edgar was polishing his wooden leg while his rather inebriated butler tottered over with a new bottle of brandy.
Here you are "that should put hairs on your marmite sandwich."
He said, surrepticiously taking a rather large bite of the one he was holding in his 'specially created bionic arm which he had puchased from e-bay because it was such good value at only £49.99 plus postage and packaging.
He [one arm and a leg. He] looked wearily up, just in time to catch a glimpse of a skull wearing a jester's hat sneaking past the open window.
What the *&^%$£""%$&$* was that?" he spluttered, taking up a handy rifle loaded with rotten Brussels sprouts.
"I'll get the x-rated message banned, unless someone adjusts their slightly greying Y fronts and runs after the fleeing Jester.
Suddenly a loud buzzing sound interrupted the old man's attempts to adjust hishold on the brandy bottle.
Blimey he thought, "my hearing aid's playing Chopin's Raindrop Prelude.
Perhaps there is a limit to how much brandy is sensible after two bottles of Brobat extra power cleaning fluid?
Amazingly, he managed to drink another bottle of brandy which he had secreted down his large Chesterfield sofa, and followed it with a few pickled onions and an enormously satisfying belch.
"I really should clean my teeth now, otherwise I could have them fall out and accidentally look REALLY silly.
I can't find my toothbrush, so borrowing the the mop from the kitchen he made the best use of it (mop fritters are supposed to be highly nutritious), and went to investigate the weird clanking sound that was emanating from the maid's bedroom, but fell over the mop handle.
Undaunted he carefully picked his way through the wrenchs and other plumbing tools, which had been carelessly left lying all over the floor.
The plumber was unable to prevent him from singing the theme tune from the Phantom of the Opera whilst standing in the "teapot" position.
Meanwhile, back in the maid's bedroom the plumber was tinkering with the maid's plumbing.
Having turned off the water works the maid cheered up, and showed him her bottom entry cistern valve which impressed him no end.
Unfortunately she had forgotten to lock up the alsatian, and it ran off excitedly with the maids unusually, unbelivable fluffy pink mules with diamond encrusted heels, and a large amount of swearing because of the heels.
"Blimey O'reily, the Irish priest arrived just in time to see the plumber doing twenty hail Marys.
What a problem he was having with his trousers being short-waisted, while kneeling awkwardly on the tin tacs which had fallen out of the maid's faulty bottom entry cistern valve. "Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh
Meanwhile, back with the Irish priest, much frivolity was occurring.
He had inadvertently stated that Saturday night's alright for dancin' and then remembered that he had to get up for mass first thing in the morning.
He also realised he'd forgotten to "pimp his ride" - his Morris Minor remind the maid that she needed fur fabric and day glow nodding dogs lined up along the dashboard just wasn't quite chavvy enough to cut it with the local boy racers.
Back at the house the plumber was taking part in a nightly ritual which involved seven video cameras and a fictitious visit from the local constabulary ladies in uniform with popper buttons.
Still, it was infinitely preferable to cleaning out several very dirty small furry creatures which had managed to burrow into his brain when he wasn't paying his gas bills.
What's happened to the little furry animals the plumber enquired.
They escaped from their cages which had been set by the local rodent operative in an effort to replenish the dwindling stocks at "Rodents R Us".
Rather surprisingly, the wooden leg, belonging to Edgar, started to vibrate and flash with green red, blue and yellow fairy lights "Ho ho ho" came a chocolate-rich voice from the fireplace.
"what do you think you're doing mentioning Christmas it's not the 24th of December.
My union tells me that I have to start advertising the event as soon as Easter is over.
Just then a tinsel clad young girl said she was the angel of All Hallow's eve.
She did look more hallowen than christmas carol, it was probably the devil's horns that gave the game away.
So what is your all hallow's wish?"
That all zombies rise from their playstations and help with the washing up before they watch Eastenders omnibus.
replied the plumber.
(He had teenagers spots and pimples all over his knees and down his left arm was a six inch tattoo of a hairy lemon entwined with a barbed wire shaped scar from when he had earlier encountered tintacs.
Edgar, meanwhile had cleaned up his wooden leg and was now eating a large aubergine with a teaspoon.
What happened next was that the alsatian ran into the kitchen carrying a dishevled looking toy kangaroo in his mouth.
He put the kangaroo in the fruit bowl and then went over to the cook's favourite recipe book where he had hidden a pressed mongoose that he thought would go completely ballistic and sort out that mad world they were all living in the house of the puzzling maniacs.
Each of which had their special way of interpreting and causing untold confusion.
"Has anyone else lost the plot as to what is [all sense of reality as a] quite frankly living in this quandry and making no sense at all!