Puzzlebrains

I found these on the internet and thought they were clever. See how many you can get. ( I did cut a couple out, hence crazy numbering!)

EXAMPLE1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a

4. A backward poet writes

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your

6. A chicken crossing the road:

7. If you don't pay your exorcist

8. With her marriage she got a new name and

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't

14. Local Area Network in Australia :

15. He broke into song because he couldn't

16. A calendar's days

17. A lot of money is tainted:

18. A boiled egg is

19. He had a photographic memory which was

20. A plateau is a high form of

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison:

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a

27. Santa's helpers are

28. Acupuncture: a

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was (??????)He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a

35. No matter how much you push the envelope,

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are

39. Atheism is a

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other,

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice

I don't suppose many people will get 3. Scurra will probably struggle. And Eirian will have no chance at all!

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a I think we all know this one!

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN Down Under

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat. (Like this oldie!)

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was (??????)He acquired his size from too much pi. Sir Cumference

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it remains stationery.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. (Even older than the boiled egg one!)

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, I'll hang around here, while you go on a head. (Tommy Cooper??)

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the grass.

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "There's only a little change."

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes

(I know this one is wrong, but...)
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you the orchestra pit

27. Santa's helpers are elf service

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was arrested for littering in a public place

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you a flat miner

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it struck me

7. If you don't pay your exorcist it'll come back to haunt you?

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the right key???

7. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was completely re-covered.

19. He had a photographic memory which was still at the developer's.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

What a clever lot you all are. Lots of right answers, and some which I prefer to the real ones! I'll leave it a week and then post what the real answers were!

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

6. A chicken crossing the road: a fowl proceeding.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Finally figured out the first part of 39 after much thought. Not sure what the rest is supposed to be though.

39 Atheism is a non-prophet ...

Again, great answers folks! I'll post the "real" ones next week.

As promised. I still prefer some of your answers though!!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

Excellent, thank you for those! They remind me of another joke - a lady goes into a shop and asks for a double-entendre, and the shopkeeper gives her one.

Love it!