Post your jokes here!
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- Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
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Re: Post your jokes here!
Oh yes, I like that one.
I haven't heard a good (postable) joke in ages. I was told one on Friday by my blind friend, which was unfortunately told whilst we were in an Indian restaurant, when he had no idea if the waiters were within earshot (because of the blindness). It was one of those jokes which I generally disapprove of because I 'm not racist, which was actually quite amusing nonetheless BUT ONLY when you're sure there isn't someone who's liable to take huge offence that's about to serve your food (having just spat on it because of what they just heard!!)
And before you start to hate him having never met him, he is perfectly happy to share many a joke about blind people too!! It is a bit challenging going out with him, however, especially since his guide dog* likes to bite people!!
*But this is an improvement on the last one he had, which went blind itself (he didn't realise, because obviously he's blind) and it led him into a road where he got knocked into a ditch. It transpired that the poor dog was almost completely sightless...
I haven't heard a good (postable) joke in ages. I was told one on Friday by my blind friend, which was unfortunately told whilst we were in an Indian restaurant, when he had no idea if the waiters were within earshot (because of the blindness). It was one of those jokes which I generally disapprove of because I 'm not racist, which was actually quite amusing nonetheless BUT ONLY when you're sure there isn't someone who's liable to take huge offence that's about to serve your food (having just spat on it because of what they just heard!!)
And before you start to hate him having never met him, he is perfectly happy to share many a joke about blind people too!! It is a bit challenging going out with him, however, especially since his guide dog* likes to bite people!!
*But this is an improvement on the last one he had, which went blind itself (he didn't realise, because obviously he's blind) and it led him into a road where he got knocked into a ditch. It transpired that the poor dog was almost completely sightless...
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
Re: Post your jokes here!
I'm crying with laughter at that ! Talk about the blind leading the blind.
Re: Post your jokes here!
oh that is so funny and so wrong to laugh all at the same time.
- Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
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Re: Post your jokes here!
Well, being good friends, we all had a good laugh at his expense!!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
Re: Post your jokes here!
unusual for me but i'm pasting an email i received here....
so how truthful who knows
so how truthful who knows
katy the nurse wrote: > These are sentences actually typed by Medical Secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
>
>
> 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
> 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
> 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight
> gain in the past three days.
> 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed
> last night.
> 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
> 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
> 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
> 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
> 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
> 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
> 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
> 12. She is numb from her toes down.
> 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
> 14. The skin was moist and dry.
> 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
> 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
> 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
>
> 19. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
> 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
> 21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
> 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
> 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
> 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
> 25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
> 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
> 27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
> 28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel
> and crashed.
> 29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
> 30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early
> December.
> 31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen
> and I agree.
> 32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker
> instead.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
- MBH
- King of the Swingers
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Re: Post your jokes here!
I've seen them before but laughed at them again.
I think the majority (therefor probably all) are true. Simple typos (handwriting) errors [13,16,22], thoughtless combination of facts [8,9,26], and unfortunate double meanings - especially when taken out of context [4,24,31].
I still don't have a good 'original' for 25 What's that all about? Wonderful mental image though
As for 17 - I don't want to think too much about that one
I think the majority (therefor probably all) are true. Simple typos (handwriting) errors [13,16,22], thoughtless combination of facts [8,9,26], and unfortunate double meanings - especially when taken out of context [4,24,31].
I still don't have a good 'original' for 25 What's that all about? Wonderful mental image though
As for 17 - I don't want to think too much about that one
Re: Post your jokes here!
well was thinking the stool color and size might be seperate to being able to walk in the corridor...
stool color can give clues to what the problem is :-p
stool color can give clues to what the problem is :-p
There are 10 kinds of people in the world
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
Re: Post your jokes here!
I liked this one
> 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Edit - Not that I've got any teenagers.
> 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Edit - Not that I've got any teenagers.
Last edited by kathlyn on Wed Oct 07, 2009 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
We don't stop laughing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop laughing!
Re: Post your jokes here!
Yes I could relate to that one - it's not that long since mine left their teenage years behind.
- Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
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Re: Post your jokes here!
That was my favourite too!! Although I don't think it would really apply in my case, not because of the teenagers, but I'd be lying if I said I had no other abnormalities. The purple ears for one thing...
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
- gill216
- She who cannot be Thwarted
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Re: Post your jokes here!
I think my abnormalities are not the teenagers- its the 30's
One well past it and one not far off. How did that happen when I wasn't looking- that is so scary when I write it down.
One well past it and one not far off. How did that happen when I wasn't looking- that is so scary when I write it down.
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Re: Post your jokes here!
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
I think this must have been a well endowed young lady as breasts and pupils are quite difficult to confuse!!
I think this must have been a well endowed young lady as breasts and pupils are quite difficult to confuse!!
There's no point in having a last minute if you don't use it!
Re: Post your jokes here!
I would also love to know what constitutes circus size (21)
Are we talking along the lines of clown's feet?
Are we talking along the lines of clown's feet?
Re: Post your jokes here!
Very funny. Especially liked #15. Not so sure that I like #26 though being an abnormality
Re: Post your jokes here!
well if your admitting to it.....
There are 10 kinds of people in the world
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
Those who understand binary, and those that don't.
DVP anon member........errr what was it again.....
- MBH
- King of the Swingers
- Posts: 3346
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:07 pm
- Currently reading: 39 Clues series/Darksmith series/and....
- Location: Gateshead
Re: Post your jokes here!
I thought that was in honour of the current magLAT wrote:I would also love to know what constitutes circus size (21)
As for number 20 - perhaps that was the result of the young doctor carrying out a TUBE.
Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination
- Redfraggle
- Glamorous Granny
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Re: Post your jokes here!
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.
Paddy said,
'Oi haven't got da fingers.'
'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?'
And Paddy said,
' How da feck was I 'spose to pick them up !!!
cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.
Paddy said,
'Oi haven't got da fingers.'
'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?'
And Paddy said,
' How da feck was I 'spose to pick them up !!!
- Bunnylump
- Granny Boingybott
- Posts: 24863
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:10 pm
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Re: Post your jokes here!
I'm not allowed to post a line of lols. But That made me snort!
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
Re: Post your jokes here!
Test Your Brain
This is one for the oldies - and not so old......
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
ARE YOU SURE?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6-- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
This is one for the oldies - and not so old......
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
ARE YOU SURE?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6-- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
- gill216
- She who cannot be Thwarted
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Re: Post your jokes here!
I got 5- but confess I've seen it before
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
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