The things kids say

[MBH]

Sorry if I've told this one before but as soon as there was 6-inches of slush on the ground I knew it was cross-country time

I think the theory was it would 'make us the men we were going to be' - in the teacher's minds tough, resilient, pushing on regardless.

It DID make me the man I am.... an adult with a choice in the matter, and I choose to spend my time curled up in front of a fire with a book rather than doing anything as daft as running outside in the cold

I was tall, weedy, had no upper body strength, and felt the cold terribly. I had no skill at football and no interest in cricket. [Thankfully rugby wasn't in the mix]. I WAS quite skilled at table tennis, badmington, and even basketball - but did we do those indoor sports??? Did we heck.

Bog! I'm a right old whinge tonight aren't I?

I now have a fun [on my side] war going on with Radio Newcastle sports presenters, after one of them answered a text I sent by saying on air that I "had no soul" if I had no interest in sport Some weeks later when the talk-show presenters wanted to know what 'characters' the radio staff put them in mind of, I gave complimentary comparisons for the people I liked and labled the two sports reporters "Crabb and Goyle".

The presenters laughed aloud while reading my text, and it went straight over the heads of the sports guys - exactly as I knew it would

[Bunnylump]

It's really scary when you actually ring in to a radio show isn't it? (I don't know if you've ever done that?). I took it into my head to ring into the Danny Baker show about the time my brother in law put wheels on the damaged pigeon. It was terrifying!! I'm quite sure I sounded like a gibbering idiot.

[giraffe]

I only ever listen to the radio in the car, and so I end up yelling at it because I can't phone in to put my point across. I once phoned in when I got home to tell them what i thought, but they said someone would phone me back and they didn't.

[MBH]

I'm a regular texter to the shows (morning to work and afternoon from work are both talk shows), and a few of my texts are picked up and they ring me to put my thoughts across on air. No big deal - just me and the person on the other end of the phone

They once had the head of a North Sea Ferry company talking about the increased numbers of people visiting Newcastle from Scandanavia (or some such place). He gave some recorded numbers but said that this was just the tip of the iceburg.

I texted in suggesting people running a passenger ferry shouldn't be talking about iceburgs and the resulting laughter got made into a clip advertising the show

I enjoy poking holes in bad statistical reporting as well When they were talking school league tables I asked the presenter

"If you took a test on radio broadcasting and was 95% would you be pleased with yourself?"
"Err - Yes!"
"OK - if your four colleagues took the same test and got 96, 97,98, and 99% would you be pleased for them"
"I suppose so - Yes".
"Right - so if you then were told you were bottom of the league table and were obviously no good at your job........"

"GULP!"

[Bunnylump]

Year 12 AS physics, today:

Teacher "Mnemonics are very helpful to aid memory for this."

Pupil "What is a mnemonic?"

Other pupil "It's one of those things like you use to remember the rainbow. Rory of York Gained Battles in Vain".

Who the flip is RORY of York??

Then...

TEACHER - when the metal in the filament continuously expands and contracts, it weakens. Did anyone do geography? Can you tell me what exfoliation is?"

PUPIL "Why do you want to know about SKINCARE in physics, Miss?"

[giraffe]

Nothing to do with kids but....

OH had a meeting in London yesterday with the head of the Transport Select Committee about the rail system. When he got to London he found the meeting had been cancelled because the MP had problems with his train.

[Bunnylump]

Priceless!

[LAT]

That's brilliant!!

[gill216]

I think it was Scurra who told me the tale of the train queue. The train in the station couldn't leave because the driver hadn't turned up. The middle train in the queue made an announcement. The train at the front can't leave until the driver turns up- and the driver is on the train behind this one...............

[Bunnylump]

Again, nothing to do with the thread or what you just said, but I was listening to XFM on the drive to work today and this really made me laugh. It was a recording of someone phoning Asda customer helpline about a pizza he'd bought. It went something like this:

CUSTOMER "I'm really cross. I went to Asda on my way home to get a pizza for my tea. And now I've opened it I can't eat it, so I have nothing for my tea. Can you send me a new one please?"

ADVISER "I'm sorry to hear you have a problem with our pizza, sir. May I ask what the problem is please? Also, unfortunately we don't do a pizza delivery service, but as a token of goodwill we may be able to send you some vouchers."

CUSTOMER "It's just ridiculous. What do you expect me to eat for my tea then? I've opened the pizza and it has no topping on it."

ADVISER: "What, no tomato puree or cheese or anything?"

"No. It's just bread and nothing else. (at this point you could hear a crinkling noise as he fiddled with the packet) Oh, wait a minute. I see what the problem is. The topping is all on the bottom!! (brief pause) I think I've opened it upside down."

[LAT]

Oh dear! do you think he should be allowed out in a shop on his own?

[Wulfruna]

I think it was Scurra who told me the tale of the train queue.

Scurra will have told you this because it is a true story - it happened to me! I was on the platform waiting for ages (with the train sitting there but we couldn't get on it) when they told us that the driver was stuck on a train waiting to get in behind another one that was queued up waiting for a platform.
You should have heard the cheers he got when he finally walked up the platform

[Bunnylump]

I was in a history lesson today. The kids were learning about the Schlieffen Plan, and the teacher was trying to get them to think about the reasons the Germans had decided to invade France through Belgium. He was TRYING to get them to come up with the fact that Belgium is quite flat, so said "Belgium is quite similar to Holland in this respect. Can you think of a way Belgium might be similar to Holland, which could be a factor to influence their decision?"

A boy put his hand up. "Was it because Belgium has a big sex industry, like Holland?"

It was (yet again) another of those moments when Greg and I couldn't LOOK at each other for fear of hysteria in front of the class...

[LAT]

well who knows, maybe that was a factor too?

[Bunnylump]

I'd have thought that MIGHT just have slowed them up just a tad?

[Bunnylump]

"Did you have a gas mask during the war, Miss?"

OK I might be super sensitive about my age at the moment, but that really did take the biscuit. They were studying the FIRST World War...

[eirian]

[MBH]

"Did you have a gas mask during the war, Miss?"

....."no - but I do know that the gas used stopped people from being able to breath - just like THIS!" **wraps hands round student's throat and squeezes **

[eirian]

A friend of mine has 4 yr old twins and is teaching them to wee standing up. One of them managed it first time and, on success, pumped his hand in the air and yelled 'Yeh, Now I'm a daddy!'...

[Bunnylump]

Classic!