Is this what it's like at your work?

[Bunnylump]

We are having more and more ridiculous constraints imposed upon us at work. For example, from April, we will not be paid for the first three days of sick leave, we are expected to conform to a "dress code" (which, bizarrely, includes things like not being allowed to wear linen in the summer!!), they TRIED to ban biscuits in the staff room "because we are a healthy eating school", we have recently had one teacher NOT being granted a day off to move house, and I have had to work extra hours to cover taking my husband to a hospital in Aylesbury for an eye operation (he isn't allowed to drive himself). Consequently, we are all a bit cheesed off. I was just rooting around on the internet, and this just about summed it up...

Dress Code.
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

[giraffe]

I had a temporary job as an accounts clerk when I was a student and one of the other women told me off for going to the toilet in my lunch hour (Which I had naturally done so that I would be ready to start work when my hour was up). She said I should do it on the company's time and not my own. I was horrified by her attitude.

[tricia]

we have someone in our team aspiring to be a supervisor who checks the number of calls waiting any time one of us gets up to answer the call of nature. She said to me once there were 6 calls waiting when I went away. I said to her if I need to go I will go.........unless of course you wish to clean up the consequences. After that I reported that comment to the team leader who was horrified and said at the next Team meeting that toilet breaks should be taken when required and was not dependent on call volumes!

Tricia

[Bunnylump]

I personally thought that the ultimate comment I have heard came from the last headteacher at the school where I used to go and my Mum used to teach. He commented to his staff that "Lunch is for wimps!"

The thing is, that what they fail to understand is that by being like this THEY LOSE ALL GOODWILL. I make a point of being as flexible as I possibly can with my staff if, say, they need to have an hour off to watch their kid in a primary school Christmas play. I do this partly because I know it will make them happy, but also because then, if I need someone to come in early to start an exam, or to stay late to bring a school trip back, they are more than happy to do that. But the hoops I have to jump through to be reasonable like that are beyond belief.