Post your jokes here!

[fernando]

I got 3. That is weird.

[Bunnylump]

I got 5, and yes it is odd. But as Scurra will tell you, I can't count!

[Scurra]

The carefully odd word breaks are nicely designed to put you off too.

[giraffe]

I must be weird, I got 6. I did miss the first OF, but saw the second, which made me check I hadn;t missed any OFs already and I had.

[Bunnylump]

Bit like the sign about Paris part way down this page.
http://www.marcofolio.net/other/15_cool ... sions.html

I like the good/ evil one - I saw the good straight away! And as for the 8th one - well I have attrocious eyes, and I can ASSURE you that it wasn't caused by that...

[Laura]

I got six. But when things tell you to count the letters, I try to ignore the fact that they form words and just look for the letters, as if I was doing a wordsearch.

[MBH]

I got 5 - missed the last one - but my eyes are tired.

Just in to check if I can access the internet with my fixed computer

[Laura]

It would appear you can!

[Wulfruna]

I'm crying with laughter at that ! Talk about the blind leading the blind.

I missed this one first time round - the wonderful irony about the phrase "the blind leading the blind" is that it is biblical! For all those people who think that being a christian is boring, I often point to several jokes that Jesus himself produced - and this is one of them. He tells the story of a blind man offering to help another, which results in them both falling into the ditch..... and another one of someone offering to help someone who has got a speck of dust in his eye -ignoring the much larger splinter which is blocking his own sight.
Well....ok.... so he wouldn't have made a career as a stand-up comic...... but there is no denying that he was deliberately making people smile and poking fun at the establishment (which he often did). there are a good few other examples of what can only be described as "tongue-in-cheek".

[clvrlad]

bah humbug
dont forget your reading a joke written in Hebrew translated to English via old Italian
it does lose a little

[Cenwulf]

dont forget your reading a joke written in Hebrew translated to English via old Italian

Or written in Aramaic, then translated into Greek, then Latin, then English.

Which reminds me of the people who translated 'Out of sight, out of mind' into Russian and then back into English, and got 'Invisible lunatic'.

[Bunnylump]

I love those translation things. My Dad took a German client out for dinner, who used his dictionary to ask the waiter for the "beak" please.

I also had a hysterical encounter with a big fat Greek man when in Kephalonia. Long story, but there was a thunderstorm, and we went into a place which looked like a taverna. The man and his wife were very bemused by this (they spoke no English and we only had things like Kali mera etc.). She then insisted on sharing out her husband's dinner with us, and we tried to hold a conversation using the phrase book. By the end of it we were in complete hysterics - particular phrases which spring to mind included

"You dance like a fairy"
and
"My aunt requires a parasol"!!

He then proceeded to make us drink about 3/4 of a bottle of Metaxa, and bundled us in the back of his van. We had a hair raising journey round the island (having no idea where we were going). He took us to meet his friend (who had an orchard of pomegranates) and to another friend who had an ancient mosaic in his back garden. A very strange but wonderful day!!

[Looby]

We were skiing in Germany when the kids were young and had gone out for an evening meal.
Rob (aged about7) was using the phrase book. He read out the German for 'What time is the floor show?'
The very well-endowed owner thrust out her chest and replied in English. " I am the floor show!"
Was very funny at the time!

[clvrlad]

your dad sounds great bunny

so how did she entertain then looby

[Bunnylump]

The other thing which I've just remembered was when we were in France, looking for something to eat. We saw on the menu "Boudin De Campagne". We didn't have our phrase book, and had no idea what Boudin was. We guessed (knowing that campagne meant of the countryside) it might be a country casserole or something. So all ordered it. And yes, all you clever cloggs, it WAS an ENORMOUS black pudding!! Even funnier was that it was served like a smiley facy - the pudding was the smile, and then there were 2 dollops of vegetable puree for eyes!! I'm absolutely convinced the proprietor KNEW we weren't expecting that!!

[Scurra]

I notice that somehow this has managed to turn into a chat thread...

[MBH]

Yes.... but it's still funny stories

I often point to several jokes that Jesus himself produced - and this is one of them.

Not greatly learned in the Bible myself, when I'm teaching people computer use the 'guys' do get a look in through stories. This always gets a 'groan' so it must be a joke (OK - a story joke).


Jesus and Satan are having an argument about who's the better programmer.

(OK - switch off if you've heard this before. I don't know where I got it from, but I've been using it for years)

God gets fed up with the bickering so sets them both a challenge - to write a program to solve a particular problem with a time limit of 2 hours.

They both start furious pounding of the keyboards and clicking of the mouses (mice, meeses) and a few curses are overheard [one or two of them from Satan]

One hour and 50 minutes into the competition there is a massive rumble through the skies and a thunder-clap as a lightning bolt strikes close by and kills off all the power in the area.

10 minutes later God reappears to see Jesus and Satan sitting at their machines. "OK - let's see what you've got", he says.

"What are you talking about", replies Satan, "Didn't you see that lightning bolt - it ruined everything."

God turns to Jesus who says nothing, but presses the 'RUN' instruction and the solution to the challenge is seen to be correct.

"That's impossible", rages Satan, "How can he do that?"

God looks him in the eye and says....
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"Jesus Saves"

[Bunnylump]

Oh I like that one.

OOps mustn't speak, might get accused of chatting..

[MBH]

Not 'scientific research', but I've got one of the best records for students who don't utter that immortal phrase:

You've got to help me. I've worked for 3 hours on this and it's vanished!

[Scurra]

OOps mustn't speak, might get accused of chatting..

I see the guilt factor is kicking in again. Nowhere did I name anybody

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day.
The course had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.

"Watch this, Moses, I think I can do it," exclaimed Jesus.
"I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I."

Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try. Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water.
Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball.
Jesus, however, was not ready to give up.

"I know I can do this, Moses -- I've seen Tiger Woods do it, and if he can do it, then so can I."

True to form, however, Jesus' ball ended up back in the water.
Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball.

"Look, Jesus," said Moses. "Try again if you like, but I'm not parting the water for you again."

"Fair enough, Moses," said Jesus.
"But you know, I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I."

Once again, Jesus' ball was in the water. Jesus proceeded to walk upon the water to get it.

Another group of golfers came up behind Moses and saw Jesus walking on the water.
"Holy Cow!" one of them said to Moses.
"Who does that guy think he is, Jesus ?"

"No," said Moses, rolling his eyes.
"He thinks he's Tiger Woods."