New Meanings for Old Words

[Cenwulf]

This was started Over There when I collected a few which had been used in Scurra's signature, which he had got from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.

Here are a few which have appeared before:

megaphone - an early mobile phone, about the size and weight of a house brick.
microphone - a modern mobile phone, about the size and weight of a cream cracker.
pergola - a stealer of garden furniture
neophyte - hand-to-hand combat
diagram - a map of Wales
dramatic - a whisky dispenser
pesto - an italian nuisance
surreptitiously - wearing a wig without telling anyone

A couple of new ones:

protest - in favour of exams
Slovak - a hoover with not much suction

[Scurra]

Here - I got some of then from ISIHAC, but by no means all of them.

Abacus - Swearing at the news you've got to go and see Mamma Mia! Again.

[Cenwulf]

I didn't say you had got all of them form ISIHAC, just the first few:

Lampoon - device for using when whaling at night
Cursory - where young children go to learn how to swear
Spectacular - a short-sighted vampire
Creche - a car accident in Woking

Which must have come from ISIHAC as they were in the Uxbridge English Dictionary.

aromatic - a self-dispensing quiver
vanilla - an ape in a truck
matricide - killing someone with a bed

[kingsley]

Some of these are brilliant!

[Bunnylump]

Intelligent - Stephen Fry

No, not that he's a clever sod, he's an In -telli -gent.

Dishevelled - someone who has had their hevel removed.

[Scurra]

Implosion - exploding pixie
Cantaloupe - unable to run away to get married
Wedlock - the secret of a happy marriage
Depressed - to crumple up

[Sigur Ros]

Coffee - a person who is coughed upon
Esplanade - to attempt an explanation while drunk
Pokemon - A Jamaican proctologist
Flabbergasted - appalled over how much weight you have gained (sad but probably true)
Balderdash - a rapidly receding hairline

[LAT]

Think my OH is flabbergasted by the balderdash.

[Cenwulf]

bandicoot - a bow-legged water bird
tripod - to prosecute a pea
leukocyte - a fan of the Star Wars movies

[Cenwulf]

dissident - someone who is insulting about other people's teeth

pizzicato - playing the violin while drunk

piccolo - an Italian gherkin

[kathlyn]

Beauty parlour - A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal - Someone who is fed up with people.

Dust - Mud with the juice sqeezed out.

Handkerchief - Cold storage.

Inflation - Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Toothache - A pain that drives you to extraction.

Tomorrow - One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

Committee - A body that takes minutes and wastes hours.

Yawn - An honest opinion openly expressed.
Chickens - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they die.

[Cenwulf]

Hibernation - Ireland

Vamoose - to run away from an elk

Diverse - a funeral ode

[clvrlad]

philanthropist---drunk on someone else's money

[Bunnylump]

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

[Cenwulf]

This seems more Ambrose Bierce than ISIHAC.

Lead (n.) : A thin strip of leather with a dumb creature at one end and a dog at the other.